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The Out-of-Touch Adults’ Guide to Kid Culture: What the Hell Is Pink Sauce?
December 19, 2022

The Out-of-Touch Adults’ Guide to Kid Culture: What the Hell Is Pink Sauce?

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Playing Stray is a good idea. Eating Pink Sauce is a bad one.

As we all await the horrible heat wave that will burn our flesh and destroy our crops, young people are trying to appease the Sun God by putting Pink Sauce all over their food, playing a game where you’re a cat, and intentionally inflicting period cramps on themselves.

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What’s this Stray game?

If the young gamer in your life has started meowing or crapping in a box of sand this week, it’s probably the influence of Stray, a video game that everyone is playing this week. An adventure told from the point-of-view of a cat in a dystopian future, Stray is available for free on PlayStation Plus and on PCs. It’s universally regarded as adorable, and, in the ultimate endorsement, cats themselves are showing enthusiastic support. They’re watching their owners’ play it and occasionally batting at the screen, at least.

What the hell is Pink Sauce?

The creation of TikTok chef Carly Pii, Pink Sauce is exactly what it says on the jar: A sauce the color of Pepto Bismol. For some reason, everyone on the internet really wanted to try it, and this is where the Pink Scandal began. Folks who ordered the sauce quickly found that different bottles are different shades of pink, indicating non-standard ingredients. The nutrition label was riddled with misspellings and said that there are 444 servings in one jar. Worse, many reported that Pink Sauce arrived rancid, moldy, or in broken jars.

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The sauce is supposedly made from honey, chili, garlic, sunflower seed oil, and dragon fruit, although some consumers report it tastes like ranch. There are no preservatives listed, so if it’s a dairy-based sauce being sent in the mail when it’s 100 degrees, eating it is probably not the wisest decision. Pii has apologized on TikTok and promised to make things right. I’m sure she had the product approved by the FDA before she started selling it. She must have, right?

TikTok’s protein bors and the whisper method 

TikTok is like a junior high hallway: On Monday, some kid named Eric could wear his backpack on one shoulder, and by later that afternoon only the weirdest dorks are still using both straps…and then the whole thing is forgotten by Wednesday. Here are two one-shoulder style TikTok micro-memes:

  • Protein Bor.‘ Many people are randomly commenting ‘Protein Bor’ on TikTok due to fitness influencer @jamesdoylefitness. The healthy fella often talks about fitness bars on his videos, but because he has an Irish accent, he pronounces it ‘protein bors.’ That it. People just thought it was funny.
  • The whisper method: The nuttier corners of TikTok are recommending the whisper method, where you visualize yourself whispering into the ear of someone you want to influence, and then you magically get them to do your bidding. I tried it just now and no one brought me a pizza.

The word ‘groomer’ banned by Twitter

Dumb, horrible assholes are endlessly incentivized when it comes to their bigotry. Their latest slur: ‘groomer.’ The term has been around for awhile, but until recently it referred to an adult who is actively trying to gain the trust of a child in order to sexually assault them. Recently, though, it has come to mean something like ‘someone who supports gay or trans people’ or ‘a gay or trans person’ to the aforementioned dumb, horrible assholes. In response, many Reddit communities have banned the use of the word, and so did Twitter—or so Twitter says. Some say they’ve reported the slur and no action was taken. In response, users on the dumb, horrible asshole forum 4chan are trying to start the trend of using the word ‘Disney’ to replace ‘Groomer.’ It’s not worth it to explain why.

BeReal offers more authentic social media picture sharing

Young people are rushing to flavor-of-the-minute social media pic sharing platform BeReal. Launched in 2020 by a founder of GoPro, BeReal lets users share one photo per day, but offers no editing, filters, or any other digital airbrushing. You can’t cheat it, because you have to post a pic within two minutes of taking it. The goal is to move away from the manufactured reality of Instagram and toward something more authentic. BeReal has more than 7 million users, and downloads have reportedly increased by about 315% since the January. Whether it will grow enough to challenge ‘filter everything’ image-sharing sites remains to be seen.

Viral video of the week: Men react to period pain simulator

This week’s viral videos feature men hooked up to machines that simulate period cramps, and they are hilarious. Laughing at clips of people in pain have been around since before the words ‘viral video’ meant anything—what would America’s Funniest Home Videos be without dudes being hit in the ‘nads, right?—but period simulator videos combine laughing at others’ pain with promoting empathy and understanding across sexes. I’m totally gaining understanding of what women go through when I watch this nice cowboy grimace, and this dude’s pained ‘yee-haw.‘ This guy is a champion bull rider! This couple tried it, and guess who whined the loudest and tapped out? Anyway, check out the source for many, many more, ya sadist.

  

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