The Out-of-Touch Adults’ Guide to Kid Culture: Meme-ing the Oscars Slap
Reading Time: 3 minutesWill Smith’s actions stoked debate, but internet youths agree: It was hilarious.
Kids all know that Facebook is for old people to share political memes, but that isn’t stopping Mark Zuckerberg’s company from going after the hearts and minds of the young. Plus: Memers meme over the Oscars slap, and online medical advice proves sound for once.
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Meta versus TikTok
Over the last year or so, I’ve covered a ton of hysterical warnings about dangerous TikTok trends and challenges in this column, from the Kool-Aid Man challenge to the milk crate challenge. I usually point out that they are overblown, hysterical, and sometimes seem entirely made-up. Well, people, I was right! But never in my most paranoid imagination did I imagine that the warnings could have sprung from a coordinated PR campaign orchestrated by TikTok’s competitor Meta/Facebook.
According to internal emails obtained by The Washington Post Meta (the parent company of Facebook) hired a Republican linked consulting firm called Targeted Victory to plant op-eds and letters-to-the-editor in news outlets in order to warn about TikTok’s danger and position the platform as a threat in the public mind. The Post lists the slap a teacher challenge and the devious licks challenge specifically as pushed to local news outlets. Even though the slap-a-teacher challenge seems to have originated on Facebook itself.
TikTok: The most dangerous place on earth?
I haven’t been paid by a right wing public relations firm to post this, but TikTok is the most deadly, disgusting social media platform in human history. I’m not saying your kid will definitely die if they use TikTok, I’m just saying ‘think about it.’
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Meta, on the other hand, is the coolest online place ever for active teens, and features Zuckerberg-approved safety protocols that would never allow these things to happen:
- The Orbeez challenge: Meta users are too busy getting hype by ‘sharing immersive experiences with other people and doing things together you couldn’t do in the physical world‘ to use Airsoft guns to shoot Orbeez at strangers, unlike TikTok hooligans.
- Bathroom ratings: Meta-maniacs live in awesome 3D spaces in the metaverse where cool teens can socialize, learn, collaborate and play! They don’t post videos of their dates’ bathrooms so people can rate them. That’s soooooo TikTok.
- Tanning nasal spray: In the Meta-verse, they have customizable avatars you can use to look exactly like Zendaya, Justin Timberlake, or W.C. Fields! TikTok users have to spray their meat-sacks with nasal tanning spray. Grody to the max!
Redheads meets anesthesiologists on TikTok
I used to think all medical advice on the internet was bullshit, but I’ve found an exception. When TikTok influencer Kaela Gordon posted a video in which she used a filter to give herself red hair, Doctor Koonal Sood warned her that if she were ever to receive anesthesia, she should tell her anesthesiologists she isn’t a natural redhead. According to Sood, patients with naturally red hair require an average of 20 percent more anesthesia than the rest of us. Ben Kim, a dentist concurred. The most amazing thing: According to WebMD, the doctors are not spreading dangerous medical misinformation. Research indicates redheads have an improperly functioning receptor on certain cells that accounts for both their coloring and an increase in pain sensitivity. So let your doctor know if your red carpet doesn’t match your drapes.
Viral videos of the week: Meme-ing the Oscar slap
There was no other video as shared, watched, rewatched, dissected, and discussed this week as Will Smith slapping Chris Rock at the Oscars. I’m sure you’ve seen it, so allow me to point you to some memes and parodies. Here’s a re-mix of the audio into a song you can dance to. If you like video games, here’s a mash-up of the Oscars and Skyrim, and what it would look like if Will Smith was a character in Super Smash Bros. We don’t know how the controversy will affect Will Smith’s career, but he could always get a gig as a spokesman for Flex-Seal. Here’s what the Oscar’s would have looked like if they’d been held in Bikini Bottom, and finally, if Will Smith fought Peter Parker, it might look like this.