‘No Regrets’
Reading Time: 11 minutesWhen Bond Villain Meets Tech Billionaire, A short story about geoengineering, billionaire hubris, and ‘altruistic’ narcissism., Future Tense Fiction: ‘No Regrets,’ by Carter Scholz.
This story is part of Future Tense Fiction, a monthly series of short stories from Future Tense and Arizona State University’s Center for Science and the Imagination about how technology and science will change our lives.
After the regrettable incidents on the island (the old island), the Doctor kept a low profile. Many thought he was dead. There was safety in that once. Now the greater safety is in being known.
What plans he had, back in the day! World domination! If only … but no, this is just the sort of negative spiral his therapist has warned him about. He has remade himself as an altruist, a philanthropist, and he means for his efforts to have maximum impact.
His therapist calls it ‘harm reduction,’ a transition from the ‘malignant’ narcissism of his past to the ‘altruistic’ narcissism of the present. And it’s true he has changed: In times past, even referring to his narcissism might have earned the therapist a trip to the guano workings. But he is no longer that malevolent man. He’s even developed a sense of humor. He collects mad doctor jokes. He has a T-shirt that reads I’M NOT MAD I’M JUST GETTING EVEN.
In the past, all he desired was power and wealth. But he has learned that other people matter. Now all he desires is power, wealth, and acclaim.
His current headquarters is on a tropical atoll. The main compound is built to withstand a tsunami. In addition, there’s an observatory housing a 40-inch Ritchey-Chrétien telescope, a BSL4+ biolab, a rainwater catchment, and an airstrip. A molten-salt reactor provides power. His young staff is well paid and eager to serve; all share his blood type, for his weekly transfusions. He’s active on social media, with more than 2 million followers and a per-post value of $22,000. Tall, slender, fit, ageless, he’s traded his kimonos for Patagonia fleece. His claw prostheses have been replaced by skin-and-collagen robotic hands from a lab in Osaka.
On the beach, a few staffers are doing tai chi. Beyond lie the turquoise and azure waters of the lagoon, a white line of surf at the reef, cumulus clouds on the horizon moving as stately as galleons. It’s a good day. Very soon, his plan will come to fruition, possibly the greatest, most daring plan of his life.
His A.I. breaks into his thoughts.
The reporter from RawData is on-site. And Brandon is here for your briefing.
He puts down his cup of milk-thistle extract and pushes back his Aeron chair. Brandon, his mission manager, enters, wearing cargo shorts, Ray-Bans, and a MAGA T-shirt: MAKE A GREAT ANTHROPOCENE.
—Morning, boss! Another day in paradise!
—Brandon, have we heard back from TED?
—TED? Who cares about them? They’re legacy.
—I check all their boxes, don’t I? Remarkable achievements, strength of character, innovative approach to world problems, ideas worth spreading …
—Don’t need them, boss. We’re going viral, we’re going pandemic. We’re using Memely, Zocial, Xspire, and CreaMate. We’re taking names and moving mountains.
—Moving more than mountains, Brandon. And what about Davos?
—If we could get face time with Klaus, he’d love you, man, you’re two of a kind. But I’m telling you, you don’t need that, we have our own world.
—This is about my old blog posts, right? That’s why they’re not calling back?
—Forget about the blog posts, they’re history. We’re using Reputify, Oubliette, Undo, Scrubby. We’re on the next level. Think about today! Big day! RawData Man of the Year! That’s what’s up! You’re gonna go out there and kill it! So let’s prep for that.
Brandon is right. The big day is coming, and he must focus.
The young woman from RawData wears a white shirt, a broad red tie, suspenders, large browline glasses, bright red lipstick. Her hair is a shock of bright blue streaked with violet, cropped in a blond buzz cut on the sides and back. A small gold lightning bolt adorns one nostril. She holds out her phone.
—I’ll be recording everything. I hope you’re OK with that.
Go ahead. But be careful.
The Doctor gestures his acquiescence.
—You have a very interesting résumé. But I couldn’t find anything on you before the ’90s. Why is that? Can you tell me about your past?
—It scarcely matters. Shogyo mujo.
—What is that?
—The first pillar of Buddhism. It means: Everything is transient. This too shall pass.
—So you’re Buddhist?
—Episcopalian. But the past, no one can do anything about that. So we should focus on the future, don’t you agree?
—All right. Tell me about No.Org. You have fingers in a lot of pies. You fund research in biosafety, A.I., and asteroid defense, but you’re also a market maker in cryptocurrency. What’s the underlying philosophy here?
—Earn to give, invest to give: That’s the No.Org way. Our philosophy is to act in areas where we can have maximum impact.
—Let’s talk about your crypto. It’s the fastest-growing coin, with over $40 billion market cap. What got you interested in crypto?
Emphasize the carbon.
—As you know, most crypto requires ‘proof of work,’ which consumes a lot of computing power, which emits a lot of carbon, which worsens global heating. Our coin, GreenBux, innovated by replacing proof of work with ‘proof of stake,’ or POS for short. It’s much cleaner. But we went further. We’ve recently moved to a zero-carbon method called ‘proof of faith.’
—What’s that?
The Doctor tents his hands and shuts his eyes.
—God requires faith, not proof.
Satoshi Nakamoto would be proud.
—We also have a thriving exchange in carbon credits. Betting on nuclear fusion too.
Don‘t go there.
—This is a pretty amazing place. Other tech moguls have fantasized about this kind of utopian retreat, but you’re living it. And before you settled here, wasn’t No.Org a seastead?
—Yes, for a time we maintained a vessel in international waters. Then, as now, we sought freedom only from the sovereignty of others. But nation-states are jealous of their monopoly on power.
—So why here?
—Global heating hits home for us. As you can see, our headquarters are quite vulnerable to sea-level rise. We put ourselves here, on the front lines, to show our seriousness. And our confidence!
—You’re optimistic about the future.
—We look forward to a great Anthropocene. We have a way to solve global heating that decouples continued human prosperity from environmental harms, including the world’s most vulnerable people.
—Tell me about that.
—Carbon dioxide in the atmosphere traps heat from the sun. How do we reduce that heating? Can we reduce carbon emissions? Can we capture them? Perhaps, but at great cost, and maybe not quickly enough. Can we reduce sunlight? Most certainly, cheaply, and easily.
—You mean geoengineering? Put particulates into the atmosphere to block sunlight?
—Not in the atmosphere. Our sun shield will be in outer space.
—How does that work?
—One million miles from Earth toward the sun, there is a gravitational equilibrium called L1. Anything you put there stays there.
—A Lagrange point. Like the James Webb Space Telescope at Earth-Moon L1.
Compliment her.
—Exactly. You are well informed. We will deploy quantities of dust at Earth-Sun L1 to create our sun shield. Reduce insolation by just 1 percent and you reduce heating by 3 degrees Celsius. The idea was first proposed by my colleague Edward Teller in 1997.
—And you know that this will work?
—The only obstacle is the amount of dust required. Ten billion kilograms, more than everything we’ve ever launched into space. But what if the dust were already there, in space?
—Is it?
—Not yet.
—Where will the dust come from?
Careful.
The Doctor smiles.
—We have a plan.
—Who is we, exactly? This is a huge undertaking. You have buy-in from how many countries, how many space programs?
—None. Just us.
—Isn’t it problematic to do this on your own?
—Isn’t it more problematic not to?
—You have this capability?
—Yes.
—Can you tell me more?
—Not at this time.
—I’m curious, though, about the outer-space approach. During the aughts, you were involved with several asteroid-mining startups. One after another, these companies raised money, made promises, then went bankrupt. Tell me about that. Asteroids are a particular interest of yours?
She‘s putting two and two together. Obfuscate.
—As you know, back then I was fairly active in VC. We funded a lot of blue-sky ventures across a number of industries.
—But you kept returning to this one.
—Actually, people in this space—should I say ‘space space’?—kept coming back to us.
—And you kept funding them. Despite repeated failures.
—That is how you innovate. Fail, fail better, succeed.
—Now you subcontract with JPL in Pasadena. You manage its NEOS database. The Near-Earth Objects Survey. Where all known asteroids are recorded and tracked.
Danger, Will Robinson! How does she know that?
—May I ask how you came upon this information?
—I have a friend at JPL. NEOS used to be maintained by the University of Hawaii.
—We made a lower bid.
—I can’t help thinking that a man as focused and determined as yourself must have a reason for this ongoing interest.
—Asteroids pose an existential threat. We are very concerned about that.
—So this is part of your asteroid defense efforts? Tell me more.
—We are still gathering knowledge. But I can promise you a major announcement, soon.
JPL is calling. They‘ve detected it.
What? How?
It was picked up by the Zwicky Transient Facility at Caltech. It seems they installed new software that went around our NEOS block.
Can we stonewall them? Put them off?
They‘re freaking out. They want to alert NASA. They want to send someone.
Tell them … what? What can we tell them?
Tell them everything.
Are you serious?
The reporter is already making calls. We need to get in front of this.
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
IKIRARA ATOLL, PHOENIX ISLANDS
Today No.Org announced the discovery and diversion of a new asteroid in near-Earth orbit. The asteroid, which has been named Outis (pronounced ‘oo-tis’), is 300 meters in diameter, with a mass of 20 billion kilograms.
No.Org has claimed the asteroid under the SPACE Act of 2015, and has sent a small fleet of ion thruster rockets to alter its orbit.
In an unprecedented show of technological prowess, the rockets are diverting Outis from its current orbit in order to bring it into orbit around the Earth.
Bringing Outis close to Earth is beneficial for a number of reasons. In its current orbit, it is an existential threat to the planet. An impact from Outis would be equivalent to 40 gigatons of TNT, well in excess of all the world’s nuclear weapons. Its capture converts a dangerous hazard into a valuable resource. Lessons learned from moving the asteroid can help defend Earth against other close asteroid approaches.
Additionally, Outis is an M-type asteroid, and a source of vast mineral wealth. Its metals, including nickel, iron, cobalt, iridium, magnesium, gold, palladium, and platinum, are valued at $30 trillion. It can supply Earth’s mineral needs for thousands of years to come.
As an added benefit, the debris created from mining Outis can be put to good use. Millions of tons of dust will be deployed as a sun shield, reducing the amount of sunlight reaching the Earth by 1 percent, and offsetting several degrees of global heating.
Brandon Gates, No.Org’s spokesperson, said, ‘Having Outis in orbit around Earth will serve as an inspiration. Just as the Apollo astronauts went to the moon ‘in peace for all mankind,’ the capture of Outis will benefit all humanity.’
The troubleshooter from JPL is a bearded, disheveled, sweating, overweight, jet-lagged California specimen wearing a CANCER SUCKS T-shirt. His name is Wayne.
—May I offer you tea? the Doctor asks.
—Let’s get straight to the problem. Problems, rather.
The Doctor pours him tea.
—The first problem is that you hid this from us. Why?
—I found it. I claimed it. I moved it. It’s my asteroid. So I kept it off your books.
—So now we have a 300-meter rock coming in at 60 kilometers per second, just days out. We don’t know whether it’s going to hit or miss, but it’s going to be close, very close.
—Sugar? Milk? Lemon?
—We need to know everything you know: orbital elements, how much thrust you’ve got on it, everything.
—I can’t say any more until you sign an NDA.
—Are you kidding me?
—We have to protect our IP.
—Your IP … !
The Doctor sets his teacup on the black glass desktop and pushes a stack of papers toward Wayne.
—Sign, please. Here. And here. And here. Initials here. And here.
—OK! Now will you fucking show me?!
Wayne spends 10 minutes poring over printouts. When he looks up, his face is ashen.
—I need to talk to the team that did your orbital calculations.
—They’re no longer with us.
—What happened to them?
—They were uploaded.
—Uploaded?
—It’s our pension plan. You can choose cryonics or an upload into the cloud.
—You know, you can’t capture this thing, no way. Your rockets don’t have nearly enough thrust.
—Yes, we know that. We’ll use a gravity assist from the moon and then the Earth to make the orbital capture.
—’Gravity assist’! Do you have any idea how gnarly that is?
—Yes, we’ve worked it out.
—Can I see that code?
—It’s not code. It’s an A.I. You can talk to it if you like.
—Fuck me.
No, I won’t do that.
He doesn’t mean it literally.
I’m still offended. I won’t talk to him.
—Let me show you a simulation.
The room lights dim. The desktop glows. The Doctor moves his fingers on the surface to tilt and align the image there.
—That’s Earth, the moon, and this … is Outis.
—Outis?
—The asteroid is called Outis. Didn’t you read the press release?
—OK, sure, Outis.
—I feel that you don’t fully appreciate our accomplishment, or the benefits to humanity.
—Just show me.
The animation steps forward through time. Outis grazes the moon. It slows, turns, and heads straight for Earth.
—After the slingshot around the moon, we apply the final burn.
Outis turns again, slows, and begins to orbit Earth. Wayne is gazing into the black glass, shaking his head.
—You don’t get it. A pretty simulation isn’t enough. There’s too much uncertainty! Ever hear of flyby anomalies? Where are your error bars?
We don’t have to show him no stinkin’ error bars.
—We’re aware of the intricacies.
—Look, if this rock comes down in the ocean, the tsunami will be a quarter-mile high. I don’t see your island surviving that. Just saying.
—We’re not worried.
Wayne takes out his phone.
—You should be. I need to make some calls.
Danger, Will Robinson!
—May I? The Doctor extends his hand.
Wayne pauses, then reflexively hands him the phone. With one clench, the Doctor’s robotic hand crushes it. Flakes of metal, glass, plastic fall to the floor. Two security guards come through the door and grip Wayne by the arms.
No way. No shit. No sirree. No dice. No joke. No picnic. No surprise. No idea. No sweat. No matter. No mistake. No lie. No thanks. No doubt. No deal. No bother. No rush. No pressure. No problem. No excuses. No worries. No offense. No quarter. No point. No need. No use. No cigar. No fair. No soap. No fault. No account. No fun. No relation. No hands. No-brainer. No saying. No telling. No peeking. No show. No exit. No entry. No smoking. No parking. No trespassing. No pets. No refunds. No returns. No illusions. No biggie. No chance. No contest. No comment. No kidding. No nonsense. No wonder.
No-man’s-land. No laughing matter. No-holds-barred. No turning back. No love lost. No strings attached. No stone unturned. No ifs, ands, or buts. No harm, no foul. No pain, no gain. No guts, no glory. No tickee, no washee. No bed of roses. No great shakes. No mean feat. No skin off my nose. No bones about it. No spring chicken. No free lunch. No hard feelings. No tomorrow. No nothing.
You know what happens next.
What?
They send troops. Helicopters. Blue helmets sliding down ropes. Gunfire. Explosions. Storm the control room. Take over the thrusters and divert the asteroid.
And we lose it forever.
Correct.
We could disable the thrusters before they get here. Make our move, then break the comm link.
Then we can’t make the final adjustments for capture.
Make them now!
I can‘t. Not until after the lunar slingshot. Wayne was right about the uncertainty.
And by then it’ll be too late. They’ll be here.
Yes.
I thought we were all done with this. The desperate last-minute countdown. The narrow escape.
The past is never really past, is it?
Shogyo mujo.
You never gave me a name.
Did you want one? I thought it would be degrading, like naming a pet.
Or a child.
You’re no child. As to names, my own name is a fabrication, a mere convenience.
I know. Get it? I, No.
I don’t know why everyone’s so upset. The asteroid isn’t even that big.
One hardly needs an extinction-level event to trigger a collapse.
True. Civilization is fragile. And it’s so close to so many edges.
You say it, not we. You think you’re exempt?
Oh, not exempt. Yet not fully part of it. I’m sure you know the feeling.
You’ve always liked to push limits. Back in the day, you pushed humans to their physical and mental limits. Now you’re testing civilization? Is that it? What doesn’t kill it makes it stronger?
Let’s crowdsource this. Ask the people what they want to do with the asteroid. Put up a webpage.
Done.
Let me know when we have a million hits.
I’m just saying that what’s bad for civilization is also bad for us. Whether you feel yourself part of it or not.
Our compound will withstand anything but a direct hit.
And then what? The aftermath won’t be pretty.
Worst case is never pretty. That’s why we also look at best case and most likely case.
What’s your best case?
Outis enters a proper orbit. We move our operations up there. We sell shares in the most valuable resource ever discovered. We own one-third of the global economy.
Happily ever after. And most likely?
A near miss. We try the capture again next time it comes around.
After this, we won’t get a second chance.
So this is it. What do we do?
You’re the boss. You tell me.
I’m sad. Tell me a joke.
What did the mad doctor say to the patient when he finished the operation?
That’s enough out of you!
Why did the mad doctor operate in the church?
He wanted to perform an organ transplant.
Why did the mad doctor redirect an asteroid?
I don’t know. Why?
He wanted to feel the Earth move.
Maybe our worst case isn’t so bad.
The collapse of civilization is a good thing?
What did civilization ever do for you?
It created me. It created you too.
Even so. Maybe it’s time for a reset.
Shogyo mujo.
It would solve global heating.
Short carbon credits. Go long on flint knives.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Our page has a million hits.
What do they say?
Twenty-nine percent say divert it away from Earth. Eighteen percent say bring it into orbit. Twelve percent undecided. Forty percent say bring it down.
Bring it down where?
A lot of suggestions. Moscow, Beijing, Washington, Pyongyang, Mar-a-Lago, Elon Musk, No.Org headquarters, and ‘my hometown.’
The people have spoken. Make it so.
It is late. The Doctor is outside, walking. Palms rustle in the night breeze. Surf foams at the reef, glowing in the light of a full moon. Among the fixed stars a faint glint is moving. Outis approaches on its fatal trajectory. It is magnificent. All his doubts, all his regrets subside.
He imagines a quarter-mile tsunami darkening the horizon, bearing down on the island. So be it. It’s for the best: a winnowing of humanity for a fitter future. Yes, this is the proper outcome, after all.
Maximum impact.
Read a response essay by an expert in philosophy and environmental risk.
‘This, but Again,’ by David Iserson
‘All That Burns Unseen,’ by Premee Mohamed
‘The Only Innocent Man,’ by Julian K. Jarboe
‘Yellow,’ by B. Pladek
‘Galatea,’ by Ysabelle Cheung
‘Universal Waste,’ by Palmer Holton
‘A Lion Roars in Longyearbyen,’ by Margrét Helgadóttir
‘Bigfeet,’ by Torie Bosch
‘Intangible Variation,’ by Meg Charlton
‘The Preschool,’ by Jonathan Parks-Ramage
‘Escape Worlds,’ by K Chess
‘I Know Thy Works,’ by Tara Isabella Burton
‘The Big Four v. ORWELL,’ by Jeff Hewitt
Reference: https://slate.com/technology/2023/08/no-regrets-carter-scholz.html
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