Downsizing
Reading Time: 7 minutesA Breast Reduction Changed the Course of My Life. Then My Friend Got One, Too., Two women discuss their breast reductions., Breast reduction surgery: We finally did it. This is what happened.
Boobs are back. Also, they never went away. This is part of Boobs Week—read the whole thing here.
I had a breast reduction when I was 18. That was a long time ago—31 years!—and as I’ve gotten older, I’ve also gotten less shy about talking about it. Or maybe the circumstances have just changed and we’re all more open about body things so it comes up sometimes? Either way: I don’t hesitate when it’s relevant. And given that it’s Boobs Week at MediaDownloader, this is certainly a relevant time.
For me, having a reduction was both a huge decision and something I did not overthink. All of my teen years I felt … uncomfortable. I am a small person all around—short; narrow shoulders. I got through the worst years of puberty thanks to grunge fashion; huge T-shirts and flannels helped me camouflage. If I wore anything remotely fitted—and I did at both my jobs, in a restaurant and in a cool dress shop at the mall—everyone from my high school boyfriend to men I didn’t know at all had no problem staring at me and commenting on my body. One day after a particularly demoralizing shopping trip, my mom asked me if I wanted to talk about a reduction. I was sort of offended at the time, but then I decided I did. And only now do I realize that my mom must have seen just how uncomfortable, and unhappy, I was with my breasts.
I often wonder as an adult if my life would be radically different if I’d never had surgery. Would I have become a runner like I was in my 20s, doing road races and eventually the NYC Marathon? Would I have been comfortable, later, throwing myself into yoga? No doubt I would have missed out on my extended Winona Ryder–pixie phase. I’m sure things would have been fine, even great! But I do think they would have been different.
I like thinking about it, and talking about it. So when my dear friend Jess, who is 40, told me she was thinking about getting a reduction, I was all: ‘AMA!’ She ended up having surgery last February. We spoke over Zoom earlier this summer about how it went for her, how it’s going, and what it’s like to change your boobs. Our conversation has been lightly edited and condensed for clarity.
Hillary: Why did you start thinking about a reduction?
Jess: The first time I remember being self-conscious about the size of my boobs was when I was wedding-dress shopping, which was 2015, 2016.
I feel like in my 20s and 30s I just had a totally normal C-cup, maybe even a large B. But when I was 29, I met my now-husband, and I fell in love in the winter. I ate a lot of noodles. Food was a huge part of our life. And I also went freelance. Less commuting, things like that. I gained 40 pounds. And so much of it went to my boobs. And so I remember being self-conscious about it when I was trying on wedding dresses. I was bummed.
But that’s the first time I remember not loving how big my boobs were, and my friends being like, ‘Wow, your boobs are really big.’ And then two years later, I had my first kid. I only breastfed for two weeks until I started pumping, but those first two weeks were horrible.
You’re learning how to feed a child, and there’s no graceful way to do it. So an entire boob would just be out, bigger than it’s ever been, for so many reasons.
I was just trying to be cool about it, because it’s like, It’s just a body, and who cares, and whatever. But I hated it so much. I didn’t want to be the person who had to leave the room to do it. But that was when the self-consciousness of it hit a new level. And then, the pandemic—a second kid. It was probably in between the two where I thought: ‘Maybe I’ll get a breast reduction when I’m done with this whole thing.’
I just felt like I didn’t have the right boobs for my body. Do you know what I mean? Did it feel that way to you?
Yeah. Because I had gained weight, I felt like my boobs were big, but also I don’t think it was helping me that I’ve never been somebody who wears tight clothing. I’ll just literally hide in really baggy stuff, which makes me look even heavier than I am. But that was the route that I took, which was just like, I’ll just buy everything in an XL and just swim in it. And this is my look and my style.
When did you decide to actually consult somebody about having surgery? Did your weight play into that or did you think about that?
Before I had my first kid, I did Weight Watchers. I lost 20 pounds and then I accidentally got pregnant. I was like, Dammit.
I had my second in 2021. When she was a year and a half, I finally decided to get my shit together. I thought, ‘I need to get to a place where I like my body again.’ I realized what a mental toll it was taking on different aspects of my life. I got a therapist who I selected really specifically to talk about that stuff with. I needed somebody who could really help me sort it out. Like, am I just being vain? It feels so vain. At the same time, I’m unhappy. It affects my marriage. It affects sex. It affects literally getting dressed every day and just feeling comfortable.
The weight stuff is hard. I am not uneducated about this stuff. I understand that when it comes to managing your weight, the biggest percentage is diet, and then there’s exercise. But it all felt so overwhelming because it felt like I needed a whole lifestyle overhaul. But it’s like a cycle of shame for not doing it, or letting myself get to that place. Therapy helped with that. In January of 2023 I got serious about it, though. And between then and June, I lost 20 pounds. That’s when I started to more seriously think about a reduction. But then there was just a huge mental hurdle: I don’t even know how reductions work. I don’t know how you find a doctor. I don’t know how much it is. Any of that stuff.
As you got more serious about it, what did you do?
I was lucky because a co-worker of mine was going through the same process. We had talked at a happy hour pre-COVID about how we were insecure about our large boobs. And I don’t remember how it came up, but I was like, ‘I really want a reduction.’ She’s like, ‘Me too.’ She had done a little bit of work already. And so she had told me that our insurance does cover it.
Then I told a different co-worker, and I mentioned I was looking for a woman doctor. A friend of hers had just had a reduction and she got me the name. I don’t think I looked at that text for six months, but when I finally got serious about it, I looked her up and scheduled the appointment for last August. I felt very comfortable with her.
I had a consultation. She said I was a good candidate. Then they sent me all the paperwork. Once I submitted everything, I was approved by insurance three weeks later, which was shocking.
When she did your consultation, did she ask you about your ideal size, or any shape, or anything like that?
Not until the pre-op appointment. To be covered by insurance, there’s a certain amount of volume that you have to take away. So she said, ‘Yes, I think you’re a good candidate—we can accomplish what insurance needs. But you will still have something.’
It’s funny about the sizes. With all my friends, the question was: ‘How big were you and how small are you going?’ But it’s all relative. My co-worker wound up having her surgery at the end of November. She was a saint. She demystified everything. She shared her list of questions for the doctor. She was sending me before pics from literally pre-op, full frontal.
So then, you did it.
Yeah, going in, my husband came with me. I did make him leave the room when they drew on me. [Before you have surgery, they mark out where the surgical incisions will be made.] He had been so supportive throughout the process, but there was still something that felt just weird. I’m like, ‘Please, I don’t want you in here while they draw all over me. It is weird. I feel like a piece of meat.’
It was a four-and-a-half-hour surgery. After, I just remember having to hobble to the car, which was horrible. Other than my C-section, I’ve never had any kind of surgery in my entire life.
The first 48 hours were really rough, but the incisions themselves weren’t really sore. But after three days, when I stopped taking the pain meds, it felt like a vacation. I couldn’t parent; I literally couldn’t parent. I was on medical leave from work. And I just got to watch movies all day. I got to shower after three or four days, so that was the first time I actually saw myself. It was already just—it was such a big difference.
What was that like?
I was supposed to let them air out after I would shower, before I put all my stuff back on, and I was just wearing a tank top without a bra on, sitting in bed watching something.
And I texted my co-worker a photo, a selfie, and I was just like, ‘I’m braless in a tank top.’ And that’s what almost brought me to tears. I’ve always been a really low-maintenance person. I just wanted to be able to be free. And all of a sudden, I’m just braless in a tank top and I’m comfortable. I’m not self-conscious.
When I was in San Diego for spring break in a bathing suit around my family, I just felt neutral. And I think that’s my biggest takeaway: I feel neutral about my body. I’m not like, ‘Check out my new boobs. I look amazing!’ I feel neutral. I don’t avoid looking in the mirror when I’m about to get in the shower and I’m naked in my bathroom. I have tried on some different clothes and felt excited. I don’t turn away when my husband walks in the room and I’m changing.
There were so many moments like that before. And it wasn’t until I had the surgery that I realized just how much mental space my insecurity and discomfort were taking up. For me, it was way more mental than physical.
I took a before photo—against everything I ever wanted to do—I took a selfie and I hid it. I literally was like, Put it in a Google Drive and delete it from everything so that no one can ever find this. On my bad days, I’ll pull up that photo as a reminder of what I was like before.
Because it is weird how quickly we adjust to our new normal, and again find reasons to criticize ourselves. And so I’ll look at that and be like, Oh my God, yes. No. Oh my God, shut up, you.
I think people don’t know how many women have reductions or want them, because once you start talking about it, you can throw a stone and hit somebody who’s had one or wants one.
Oh, yeah. It is true. And I’ve already talked to a friend of a friend. Another co-worker had her surgery two weeks ago. Three people in one department, in one calendar year, all had reductions at my office! My boss is having a consultation later this year, so it really is a thing.
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