Britney Spears Is Giving Us a Tour of Her Personal Life. I Hope She’s Prepared.
Reading Time: 5 minutesWe Have a Term in the Mental Health World for What Britney Spears Is Doing, Her memoir, The Woman in Me, is out this week., Britney Spears memoir: A psychiatrist on self-disclosure and the harms.
In the days before Britney Spears’ memoir, The Woman in Me, was even released, I would scroll my social media feed and be hit with a series of headlines blaring about various anecdotes from the book:
‘Britney Spears Writes She Had an Abortion Because Justin Timberlake ‘Didn’t Want to Be a Father.’ ‘
‘Britney Reveals Why She Shaved Her Head.’
‘Britney Spears: Adderall was my ‘drug of choice’ because it made me ‘less depressed.’ ‘
High school me, the millennial who grew up surrounded by a media that was intoxicated by Britney’s every move, was immediately drawn in, excited even. I found myself reading more to find out the story behind the headlines, from the person who’d really experienced it all, Britney herself.
But psychiatrist me worried for her. With the memoir, which is out on Tuesday, we are now getting a peek at the depths of Britney’s personal and mental health struggles (as she describes them, not diagnosed by me). And as a mental health professional, I know how big of a deal it is to be so vulnerable in public. That part of me feels for her.
Sharing a mental health experience, or a hardship like a pregnancy loss, is called self-disclosure. You can self-disclose to a friend or family member—or to the whole world. When it involves deeply personal details, though, it is far from easy, and should be done with care. The aftermath of self-disclosure can include any emotion from joy to sadness to grief to anger. Telling your story in public (especially over and over again) has the potential to make anyone reexperience—even be retraumatized by—events of the past.
Further, no one can control how others will respond to the disclosure. The person sharing may turn inward on themselves with negative self-talk as a result of someone else’s take on their story, or a clicky headline cavalierly summing up their terrible experience. It’s impossible to know what Britney is going through as her stories reverberate (though her most recent Instagram post might give us a hint that it’s really, really tough). But I worry about her experience of self-disclosing such personal details, given that she has gone through so much, and likely still is going through a lot.
This concern is something I have for my own patients too. They are not global pop sensations, and most of them will probably never write a memoir. But many of them talk to me about a desire to share. I treat a lot of college students—and they are on TikTok and other social media platforms. Their posts can draw attention from people they do not know in person, and sometimes in unexpectedly huge numbers. Many of the online spaces they participate in reward authenticity and vulnerability. Sharing hardships and ‘traumas’ can feel natural, even expected of them. Disclosing personal pain can feel like a way to stand out, to add something to the conversation, or to get attention (in the form of likes and followers). Offline, it can feel natural and even necessary to share a mental health diagnosis with friends. And then there’s the fact that celebrities and athletes are opening up more and more about their mental health and personal struggles. It can create a domino effect of self-disclosure.
This is by no means a bad thing. Stories like Britney’s can reduce mental health stigma and increase help seeking. Self-disclosing can also help make other people feel less alone. I myself have written for InStyle about how I take Wellbutrin.
‘When we write or speak publicly about our lived experience, we’re corroborating the experiences of others—making them feel seen, heard, and understood,’ explains Maggie Smith, the New York Times bestselling author of the memoir You Could Make This Place Beautiful (and a viral poem, ‘Good Bones‘). The book includes, among many other things, details of how her marriage fell apart. ‘I was angry at myself, and more than a little ashamed, that I allowed this to happen,’ she writes of falling into a predictable dynamic in her partnership with her now ex-husband in which she took on the bulk of the work of caring for their kids. Self-disclosure can provide a road map for others.
But before my college-age patients try to follow in the footsteps of celebrities or skilled writers, I want them to really pause and mindfully consider what sharing an intimate part of their lives may mean. For the person self-disclosing, the aftermath can be unsettling. Negative comments on a TikTok video—or, if you’re famous, a tabloid write-up—can worsen mental health outcomes. Even in a sea of positive feedback (which is never guaranteed), we have a tendency to remember the few harsh comments. And it’s easy to forget that once you put something on the internet, everyone can see it—from family to future bosses and partners.
Further, self-disclosure can also open the door for more self-disclosure from others: You share your story with someone, then they share theirs with you. If you are still struggling with your mental health, you might not have the capacity to hold those kinds of responses. As powerful as it may be to know that your story made it easier for someone else to share theirs, you aren’t their therapist and their story might trigger components of yours. Trust me when I say that, as a psychiatrist, listening to other people’s stories is one of the hardest things I do, and I am trained in it.
Before a person decides whether to self-disclose, it can help to think about the reasons why they’d want to do so, says Chase Anderson, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at University of California, San Francisco. ‘Are they sharing to help their healing? Are they sharing to educate others? Are they self-disclosing to help others feel seen?’ Anderson has spoken openly about his own depression in public forums. But he prompts his patients, most of whom are still figuring out the fundamentals of who they are and how they relate to the world, to think carefully before disclosing their mental health struggles. There is safety in waiting.
Importantly, we don’t owe anyone our stories. The choice to self-disclose is a personal one, says Kali Hobson, an adult, child, and adolescent psychiatrist. What’s most important when self-disclosing is that you want to tell your story and that you will get something positive out of it. Even if I believe that stories can change culture, which I do, it is neither the responsibility of college students nor of pop stars like Britney to heal the world. No one should feel compelled to share their pain for the sake of others, and they should do so only when and if they are ready, and within their own boundaries. Owning our narratives, and being able to discuss them, is actually a therapeutic method, especially for trauma. But sharing on social media or in public writing is very different from sharing in a therapist’s office (which can still be quite difficult).
‘I’m still surprised by the range of reactions people have to self-disclosure, from overwhelming gratitude to absolute condemnation,’ Smith says of the response to her own memoir. Of course, you can’t always predict what the response will be—or how you’ll handle it. But you can try to prepare. If a patient were planning on publishing something deeply personal, Hobson says, she’d carefully consider with them what they’d do if their mental health worsened and they did end up in crisis as a result. ‘I think all memoirists need a good therapist, particularly around publication,’ says Smith. ‘Feeling naked in public, even if you chose to take off your proverbial clothes, is a lot.’
Looking on with empathy, I hope Britney has a great support system this week and has plans in place for self-care. And I’d add to Smith’s comment: All of us sharing vulnerable bits of ourselves online probably need a good therapist too. I know I did.
Ref: slate
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